#9: Powerless

The Flash
#9: First Steps Part 9
“Powerless”

Bright lights. Screaming. Something burning, something tight in his gut. Darkness.

He dreamt of nothing. He woke to a face he recognized—Gehenna’s. He closed his eyes again.

Upon his third awakening, he noticed the lack of feeling below his waist. That could only mean one thing. His memories rushed back to him. His father. Savitar. Max. And the white-haired time traveler…the man who had stolen his powers.

“I need Sanders! Yes, you—now run! Prep the ER for surgery.”

A new voice. He tried to focus his eyesight, but could only make out the faintest image of a dark-skinned face and uncharacteristic blue eyes. Panicked eyes.

The pain in his gut came to his attention again. It was overwhelming. Impossible to handle. He thrived on the impossible.

He tried to slow his breathing, to refrain from fainting again, but darkness was quickly overcoming his vision. He would not die. He refused to.

Not with his father and friend in danger.

’I will run again.’

Darkness welcomed him with a soft embrace.

…

Gehenna bit her lip. She pinched her skin. She did everything in her power to keep from falling asleep. Elias and Chess had wandered off to go get coffee for the three of them half an hour ago. How hard was it to find the cafeteria?

Guilt temporarily drowned out Gehenna’s exhaustion. She knew it wasn’t fair to judge herself for feeling tired, particularly after the last couple of days, but she couldn’t help it. She hadn’t thought about Barry since shortly after the two others had left. He was fighting for his life in the ER, and she couldn’t stop wondering about that freaking cup of coffee. Then there was Max and Henry to worry about…my God, what was wrong with her?

Dr. Chapel, a proud woman and the surgeon in charge of saving Barry’s life, emerged from the ER into the waiting room. Gehenna felt her throat tighten. This was the moment of truth.

“Ms. Hewitt?” Chapel said, her bright blue eyes locking with Gehenna’s. “Barry’s going to be fine.”

Gehenna had always thought that the “weight of the world” saying was overdramatic, but in that moment she understood it for the first time. It was truly as if she had shed some enormous burden, like a grounded beast suddenly able to fly.

“Thank God,” she mumbled through her hands, forcing back tears of relief.

“The bad news is it doesn’t look like he’ll ever be able to walk again,” Dr. Chapel added.

That should have hit Gehenna harder than it did, but the unbridled joy of discovering her friend would live outmatched any negative emotions she felt tenfold.

“Thank you,” Gehenna rose to hug the doctor. “Thank—”

Dr. Chapel stopped her before she could make contact. “I need to know, Ms. Hewitt: what exactly was Barry stabbed with?”

The question caught Gehenna off guard. Panicking, she stammered, “A, uh, a piece of glass. Jagged glass.”

“Ain’t no piece of jagged glass pulling that off,” Chapel retorted. “My brother’s in the CCPD. He’s told me all about Bloody Monday and the metahumans responsible for it, including the weapons they use to kill people. Weapons with jagged blades. I’ll be blunt: was Barry assaulted by one of those metas?”

Gehenna paused, her mouth hanging open, unsure of what to say. Chapel sighed, crossed her arms, and continued.

“Have you checked the news recently? A cop named Henry Allen is all over it; he’s one of the murder suspects. It doesn’t take a genius to piece together that he and Barry are related. Listen, I don’t need to know how Barry’s involved with this—this crisis, but as the woman who saved his life, I just want to know what the hell he’s been stabbed with,” Chapel explained.

Gehenna knew Chapel had cornered her. Moreover, she had proven herself by saving Barry’s life.

After taking a deep breath, she admitted, “Yeah, it was one of the metas.”

“Jesus. Practically took forceps to pull that out of you,” Chapel muttered.

“You’re welcome?” Gehenna grumbled back.

Chapel ignored the retort, saying, “Watch out for Barry. This metahuman business…it’s serious. My brother just called me an hour ago. Men in Black-types have been brought in. We’re talking not just FBI, but organizations we don’t even know exist. Be careful, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.” Gehenna was touched (and, admittedly, thrown off) by the woman’s concern.

“Alright, I have to get back to work. You can stay with Barry, but don’t expect him to wake up anytime soon. And he’s gonna need a couple days’ rest in here, at least,” Chapel said.

“Thank you.”

“Godspeed, Ms. Hewitt,” Chapel wished, before motioning to a nurse to lead her to Barry’s room.

…

Snart and Iris had both needed a break from the chaos of their lives. A lunch date provided just that. It was almost eerie that they could have a normal conversation and meal just a day after the city had turned upside down. In fact, the two had avoided the subject altogether until reality forced itself back into their lives…

“Shit, yeah, I’m on it,” Iris spoke over the phone to her editor-in-chief. “Yeah…yeah, bye.”

As she put down her phone, Snart wondered, “The fast and the furious?”

Iris smirked at his joke, and nodded. “I wasn’t on the story, but my boss found out I know Barry—the guy you met—”

“Barry Allen. My neighbor, your friend,” Snart said. “I remember him. He’s a suspect?”

Iris’ gaze fell, darkening. She stood up as she said, “No, but his dad is. Barry turned up in St. Joan’s a couple hours ago, stabbed through the gut. I have to—”

“Go. I’ll cover the check,” Snart offered.

“Thank you,” Iris pecked him on the cheek. “See you later.”

“Bye, babe.”

Iris rushed out of the restaurant, nearly running into a waiter in the process. Without apologizing, she sidestepped the man and left the building. Snart quietly chuckled to himself as he watched her go, and then motioned to the very same waiter she’d infuriated for the check.

So, Barry’s father was a criminal. Poor kid. Snart could relate. At least one good thing had to come out of this. There was a decent chance the police weren’t looking for Mick at the moment. Speaking of…

…

Snart returned to an empty apartment. Mick was long gone, and hadn’t even bothered to leave a note. Cursing quietly to himself, Snart collapsed onto the couch. Something crunched beneath him.

“Son of a…”

He rose to his feet only to discover the battered remains of a Pop Tart scattered atop the couch and across his rear. Dusting himself off, he swore to teach Mick manners the next time he saw him.

Next time…next time, he’d win Mick back. Next time, he’d reunite the Rogues. If he could…

He was getting anxious. With Lisa gone, Snart felt like he was without a family. Iris was great, but she could never know the truth about him. He wanted to make it work between them. He really did, but part of him longed for something more exciting. More difficult. More dangerous. Something stability couldn’t provide.

Next time…

…

Barry awoke to the sight of his friends—Gehenna, Chester, and even Elias—sitting beside his bed. Then came the rest of reality: his father, Max, his legs…

“Barry,” Gehenna began, rushing to his side, as Chester put down his phone and Elias looked up.

“Don’t. It’s fine,” Barry urged, “I mean, it’s not fine, but…just don’t.”

He didn’t feel like crying. He just felt numb. Gehenna noticed.

“Are you…I’m sorry—“ she reached for his hand .

“What the hell did I say?” Barry growled, and instantly regretted it. As Gehenna backed up to her chair, he said, “I’m sorry. I just…waking up, realizing I’ve lost my legs again, it should hurt more, it should feel like a dream, but it doesn’t. Running…being the Flash, that was the dream. I always had a feeling it was going to slip away. Someday you have to wake up.”

No one knew what to say to that. Chester opened his mouth to speak twice, but instantly closed it, doubting himself. Elias merely looked down at the floor, his arms crossed. To everybody in the room, this was their fault. They all wondered if there was something they could have done to prevent this whole situation.

Barry wanted to tell them he would be fine. That his dad and Max would be fine. He’d thrived on being an optimist even in the worst of times, but now…now he couldn’t bring himself to lie to them. He couldn’t guarantee a happy ending. He knew without any of them having to say it that he certainly wasn’t going to get his happy ending. He was never going to walk again. That was probably for the better. He clearly couldn’t make it as a hero.

Before anyone’s thoughts could get too dreary, someone knocked on the door. Iris West peaked her head in and said, “Can I come in?”

The three STAR Labs employees looked at Barry. He nodded at Iris and beckoned them away.

“We’ll give you two the room,” Gehenna offered, leading the others out.

Barry smiled gently at her and nodded in thanks. When the door was shut, Iris took a moment to situate and steady herself. This would be their first serious conversation since Barry had moved back to Central City. The circumstances proved less than joyful. Iris felt a twang of guilt build up in her chest at the thought of her reason for being there.

“I’m the one who can’t walk, but somehow you still look sadder than me,” Barry halfheartedly teased.

Iris managed a weak smile. “I’m so sorry, Barry.”

He looked away from her and willed himself not to cry. He’d managed to control himself up until this point, but something about Iris just made him want to break down. If he spoke, he knew he’d lose control. He did it anyway.

His voice cracking, Barry said, “You’re here because of my dad, right? Because of the story?”

Iris began to shake her head, but stopped herself. She couldn’t lie to him. “…yes. Not entirely. I am here for you, too.”

Barry’s frustration with her, with this whole situation helped him quell his tears for a moment. He optioned not to speak immediately, afraid of what he might say.

Iris took the opportunity to jump in, “If you don’t want to talk about your dad, Barry…just tell me. Tell me to go off the record.”

“I don’t want to talk about any of this,” Barry admitted.

Forcing a smile, she said, “There. I’ll tell my boss you weren’t cooperative. Simple as that.”

Barry smiled for a moment. It wasn’t all that funny, and while he was pleased she wasn’t pushing an interview on him, that wasn’t why he’d smiled either. Iris was just being Iris. It felt right to Barry. Like home. Love—even stupid, immature, high school puppy love—could make you feel crazy things.

“Let’s talk about you. Len—when did that start?” Barry wondered.

“Almost a year ago. Right after I started working for the Citizen, I’d been assigned this dog show fluff piece, and, as crazy as this sounds, it turned out the whole thing was tied to a puppy mill crime ring,” Iris explained, causing Barry to laugh. She chuckled for a moment herself, and continued, “Len, he’s clean now, but…he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. Hangs out in southeastern a lot. All of his friends are there, and he…I don’t know, we just stumbled across one another in a bar, one thing led to another and I told him about the story. He offered to point me in the right direction if I’d go on a date with him. Normally I wouldn’t do that sort of thing, but he just seemed so…nice. Genuine. He’s an engineer,” she added with a playful smirk.

“Y’know what they say about big brains,” Barry joked.

Iris laughed. “I don’t—I don’t think that’s a thing.”

“You tell me. You were always into nerds,” Barry said, managing to resist adding any bitterness to his voice. Iris had dated a lot of really smart people in all the time he’d known her. Just never him. To be fair, he hadn’t really ever pushed the subject…or even brought it up to her.

“Touché. Regardless of size,” Iris continued, still laughing, “We hit it off. Len was just so…honest. And confident. He isn’t ashamed of who he is. He’s…I don’t know. I feel like a lot of the guys I’ve dated never really liked themselves. They could be gorgeous, and just wicked smart, but they were never…content. They always felt like they had something to prove, even to me. Especially to me. Len’s not like that.”

That stung. Not because Iris had purposely insulted Barry, or because she’d said it in a particularly mean way. It stung because Barry knew that was his problem. He’d never felt like he could live up to the mythic Iris West. Why would she want to date a cripple? A geek? The sort of guy who stumbled over his words as often as his legs? Throughout college, he’d struggled to mature past this notion, but there were some things he just couldn’t shake, even now.

“What about you?” Iris perked up. “You have anyone special in your life?”

Barry considered bringing up Patty, but it didn’t feel right. He shook his head, saying, “No. I haven’t really had the time to pursue…anything yet. Even in college, I worked myself to death. I dated a few girls, but nothing ever lasted more than a couple months.”

Iris thought for a moment, and then said, “Maybe it’s not the right time to be saying this, but you’ve always worked yourself too hard, Barry. You have to slow down every once in a while. You’re a nice guy. You’re smart, you’ve got a steady job, and you’re cute—in a nerdy way.” Barry blushed, glancing away. “Girls are going to love you…you just have to give them a chance to.”

Barry rolled his eyes, trying to play it off. “Slowing down isn’t going to be a problem now…”

He immediately realized what he’d said, and choked on his words. Iris looked at the ground, embarrassed.

“I’m sorry, Barry. I didn’t mean—“

“—No! No, it’s fine. I wasn’t…it came out wrong,” Barry interrupted.

Silence fell over them. Barry gripped his sheets fiercely, his knuckles turning white with strain. He couldn’t even handle a conversation. How the hell did he expect to be anyone’s hero?

Iris was the first to speak, noticing his turmoil. “Barry, do you remember my terrier, Ariel?”

Barry nodded, aware of where this was going. “Yeah.”

“So you have to remember how she got lost back in…what was it? Seventh grade? Eighth?”

“Seventh,” Barry admitted.

Iris smiled slightly and continued, “She ran away—managed to dig right under our fence in the middle of the night. My dad and I looked for her for hours, but we couldn’t find her. I showed up to school that day a total mess, tears everywhere, my makeup smeared. Ariel was everything to me, and she could have been gone forever.”

“Word got around. To this day, I don’t know how. It was a big ass school, but somehow you still found out. The first thing you did was find me and tell me—”

“‘Don’t worry. I swear I’ll find Ariel. Scout’s honor,’” Barry reminisced.

“That was always the funniest thing to me, even then, because you were never a boy scout,” Iris admitted, laughing quietly. “But you were so convinced you were going to find Ariel. You were so stubborn. I told you not to worry about it. Frankly, I was scared you’d get yourself hurt, but you did it. You showed up on my doorstep later that evening—you and your dad—and you had Ariel. You’d found her.”

Barry shook his head. “It was my dad who did it, actually. We were driving around town, and he was the one that spotted her. I didn’t even—”

“Your dad wouldn’t have seen her if you hadn’t put him on the case. Who knows? Maybe no one would have found her. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there are these evil puppy mill crime rings out there—” Barry couldn’t help it. He broke down laughing, and Iris failed to stop herself from joining in as she finished, “It’s a serious—serious problem, Barry. Stop laughing.”

They enjoyed the moment together, allowing it to linger. They’d always been friends. They were never super close—likely because Henry wanted to keep his work life with Joe separate from his home life with Barry—but they’d still spent a lot of time together. They went to the same schools, sometimes took the same classes. Once or twice, they’d even opened up to one another about something going wrong in their lives. But now…now it was like they were the oldest and the very best of friends. Their history came crashing down like waves on a beach, and they realized what they’d been missing out on all these years.

Their laughter coming to an end, Iris took a moment, sharing Barry’s gaze. She stood up, walked over to him, and kneeled at his bedside. Barry blushed, expecting—no, hoping for something he knew wouldn’t happen.

Iris took his hand and smiled. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. You put the weight of the world on your shoulders and blame yourself when it’s too heavy for you to bear alone. Whatever happened, whatever you’re going through, Barry, you don’t have to go through it alone. And you will still always be a hero—my hero—regardless of who helped you along the way.”

Tears welled up in Barry’s eyes. Tears of guilt, of anger, of relief, of grief, and of joy. He felt a thousand things at once and had to look away from Iris because he was embarrassed. Like their history together, Barry’s past came crashing down upon him at once, and he suddenly felt both relieved to know he wasn’t alone and also upset that he couldn’t save everyone. That he couldn’t even save himself.

Iris held his hand while he cried. She didn’t say anything. She knew better than that. Instead, she simply ran her thumb over his hand reassuringly, and stayed by his side until he could cry no longer.

Sniffling, Barry managed, “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Iris softly replied. Standing up, she continued, “I’m sure your friends want to see you. I…I’ll be back later tonight, okay?”

Barry nodded. “OK.”

He tried to muster the strength to say more, to open up, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt wrong just thinking about it.

“Call me if you need anything,” Iris added, squeezing his hand one last time before letting go.

“Yeah, of course,” he agreed.

“Bye, Barry.”

“Bye.”

Iris stopped briefly at the door to look back at him. He didn’t meet her gaze, instead staring down at his sheets. She left before she could stop herself.

‘I’ll be back,’ Iris reminded herself.

As soon as she had left, Gehenna, Chester, and Elias hurried into the room. Meanwhile, thunder had caught Barry’s attention. He’d begun to stare at the storm outside, and lost himself in it. Rain pattered against the floor as the wind howled.

“How’d it go?” Gehenna wondered.

Simultaneously, Chess said, “Dude, who the heck is she? Are all your friends Victoria’s Secret models? –OW!” He exclaimed after Gehenna smacked his arm. “What? I was complimenting you, too.”

“Really?” Gehenna wondered, admittedly flattered.

“Yes, really, but after that I’m—”

“Guys,” Barry blurted.

“Shut up,” Elias finished, staring at the exact same spot as Barry: the window.

Or rather, the open window. On it was perched two figures, both of whom were suddenly illuminated by lightning. The first wore a black cowl and cape, and dark gray armor that was emboldened by the image of a bat on his chest. The second figure had donned a colorful red, green, and yellow costume topped off by a domino mask that covered his eyes. Everyone in the room knew their names.

Chess said, “Holy crimefighting duo: Batman—”

“—and Robin,” Barry uttered. “You’re actually real.”

“‘Holy crimefighting duo, Batman?’” the Boy Wonder whispered to himself, smirking. “Heh. Cute.”

“Barry Allen,” boomed the Dark Knight Detective. “We need to talk.”

Before anything else could be said, Elias’s eyes rolled up into his head and he promptly fainted.